Boring Arab Summits That Need a Big Bang!

It seems that Gaza is not on their minds:






By Hassan Al-Haifi
April 2, 2009

"We live in the great land of the Arab Nation" quipped Furdous to her father as he sat slurping his afternoon tea. He always had the bad habit of drinking the tea that spilt into the saucer of the cup. His logic for that was that it gave the remaining tea in the cup a chance to cool down to an agreeable temperature. This, Furdous simply could not stand, even if it was being done by her father: "Dad, if I told you a thousand times this must stop – once and for all!"
Her father also knew how to quip and beat around the bush: "What? Stop the Arab Summits! That would be unforgivable my Dear little flower! Where else would Yemen have a chance to throw around its barrage of initiatives for peace, unity, war, solidarity and the liberation of the imprisoned chimpanzees of the Sana'a Zoo from the dreadfully boring video speeches of Ayman Zawahiri and the infamous Osama Bin Laden!"
Furdous again felt her father was getting out of hand with good manners to speaking of the icons of Al-Qaeda like that: "You can't really be serious about mocking the Great Sheikhs of the Underground Salafi Genre like that. You know the whole world stops still in anticipation of the worst to come when any of these two has a word or two to state."
"Furdous, you know these two have not done anything that has advanced the cause of Islam or the Moslems of the world one bit. Personally, I think they are just puppets on strings being pulled by the Alliance of the Lowly of the Earth, who think that they can pull the legs of even the most educated people off the world, while these clowns speak with make up for the camera that would make Yves St. Laurent have a heart attack if he ever got a look at them on close up. Avon would have a profitable year if it could round up a good deal if only they could meet up with the studio that tapes these third class videos of the Dynamic Duo Bombardiers. Come on, Furdous, God forbid that any of my kids should ever find reason to admire these two clowns." The father was not beating around the bush about the kind of religious missionaries his kids should revere.
Furdous' elder brother, Zechariah walked in at the right time, as his sister heard the most surprising words that she never thought her father would say, considering how devout he was to the faith of Islam and how he always asked his kids to follow in the footsteps of those scholars that are in the limelight of the Islamic media: "Dad, you are hitting my sister at her weak nerve. She just enrolled to one of these Salafi Institutes, even after I have warned her that you would not be too happy about that".
"I say that this matter should be one of the highlighted topics of any summit held South and East of the Mediterranean Sea", The mother said this as she was bringing some cakes and cookies, desperately trying to lure her husband and kids away from the popular Qat Session conducted by their socialite neighbor, Member of Parliament and Paramount Chief of the Hoochi Koochi Tribal Confederation, as her husband likes to call him in jest. The latter barely made it through Intermediate School and his neighbors simply find his extravagance quite undeserved by any merits.
The brother had a comment about the summits: "I think that they should hold the Summit Meetings in the Comoros Islands. If all the people on the island are as articulate as the Sultan of the Islands is, we would have gone two-thirds of the way towards defeating Israel in the international media. Why he makes Osama and his Deputy seem like talking Barbie Dolls with a lot more resonance and power in the rhetoric. If you ask me, who are the most articulate speakers in the Arab World? I can tell you it is the Sultan of Comoros Island, Hassan Nasr-Allah of Hizb-Allah Dr. Bashar Al-Asad and the Yemeni Delegate to the Arab World, Mr. Abdul Malik Mansour, the Former Minister of Culture of Yemen. If you go back a little bit, while closing your eyes sometimes to the grammar, you might also add the First Vice President of the Republic of Yemen, Ali Salim Al-Beidh, not to mention the late Member of Parliament, Mr. Yousef Al-Shihary". I think that if a summit was held with just these people in attendance, they would come out with all the solutions that would enable the Arab Nation to confront all the perplexing issues faced by the people of this Holiest of all Holy Regions.
"I am sure that the latter would have no problems rejecting all the initiatives that do not have any real substance and would demand that anyone who suddenly walks away from any conferences will be forced to leave the place of the summit barefooted or with a shaven head and a return trip by camel" said Furdous.
The mother had the best suggestion: "Better yet, I would just put all the conference attendees on a spacecraft and send them off to Pluto to start looking for the Big Black Hole, which is said to be the origin of the Big Bang, out of which the Universe evolved. They might yet succeed there, since their mouths are big holes, which mostly breathe out a lot of hot gas any way, with or without initiatives".